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Published: June 14, 2024

Do You Have an Inner Self-Critic?

All of us engage in ‘self-talk’ – the ability to talk to ourselves in our minds as we process, or comment on what is happening around us. The likely function of this ‘self-talk’ is to keep us on track, which is great when it works – however, the tone of this self-talk can become critical and scathing which can be painful and even destructive.

Why do we engage in Self-Criticism?

There are several reasons for engaging in self-criticism:
  • We want to protect ourselves and our self-concept and ensure that we ‘fit in’ to our society and our ‘group’. For it is a fundamental need as a human being to be ‘in connection’ and ‘to belong’ with others.
  • When we deeply care about an outcome, often we fear failure. Therefore, thinking about the mere possibility of something not going as we planned can trigger our brain’s threat system (eg.the fear of failure) and can motivate us to take action.
  • For some people, the origins of their inner-critics possibly reside in childhood, where experiences of shame, rejection, and parental hostility or unresponsiveness were evident and were consequently internalised. For many, the mere suggestion of being kind to one’s self can trigger the inner-critic in the form of negative thoughts and emotions towards themself with a consequential threat response.
What tone and words do you use when talking to yourself – do you use a harsh, critical or self-sabotaging voice? Or are you warm, kind, friendly, and helpful?

People who engage in self-criticism are at a high risk of stress, anxiety, and depression.

The problem with having a harsh inner-critic is that it triggers our ‘threat system’, which signals to the brain that we are under attack. The brain responds by releasing cortisol and other hormones that trigger the fight-flight response. This is useful if we need to run from a lion, but not very helpful in terms of our inner-critic because we can’t actually run from ourselves! Yet, many people motivate themselves in this way – and it can cause enormous stress and anxiety.

The fact is if we spoke to our friends in this way, they would not remain our friends! It is like having our enemy constantly at our side.

So, what is the antidote to self-criticism?

Research highlights that learning to cultivate an approach of self-compassion is an extremely powerful antidote to the inner-critic…like having your best friend at your side. Although this may sound like an alien concept, thankfully, self-compassion simply requires practicing a set of skills that can be learned.

When we practice self-compassion, we are actually moving our sense of safety from the threat system to the ‘soothing system’ and our own care-giving and attachment system. This awakens our own ability to ‘self-sooth’ which is actually more productive than being self-critical. For over-relying upon the threat system as a source of motivation can make us stressed, anxious and depressed and generally inhibits a good emotional mindset to really accomplish anything. When we give ourselves compassion, we feel safe, emotionally balanced, and loved. This puts us on the best footing to not only be happy, but to also grow and to reach our goals.

I have a therapeutic treatment plan for managing your ‘internal critic’, by practicing Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).
The biggest step is acknowledging that you are struggling and require support. Reach out and arrange an initial 15-20 minutes consultation, so that we can collaboratively and comfortably work together.